January 31, 2012 (LifeSiteNews.com) - “Is sex a good or a bad thing?” I asked my stunned children recently. After the shock wore off, they were confident of the correct answer.
“Baaaad!” they piped in unison.
“You’re wrong,” I replied, satisfied that I had their attention as evidenced by their baffled expressions.
As a cradle Catholic, I was not catechized properly in the teachings of the Church. It took more than nine years of being a parent to finally yearn to understand the faith connected to our Sunday family custom. After realizing that sexual sins are normalized and celebrated in society, especially in the media, my husband and I did everything to protect our children from having their perception of sex twisted into the opposite of natural law established by God.
Exposing children to sexual themes before they’re ready robs them of their innocence, and misinformation warps their perception of normal. Having five boys, we know visual images are more powerful to them than to our girls and can lead to a desire for sexual pleasure before they are physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially ready to handle it.
With this in mind, we disconnected the cable television and started watching hand-selected videos exclusively. Surfing the Internet for fun is forbidden, and necessary computer use is allowed only in common areas. We stopped taking the kids into video stores because DVD covers bordered on the pornographic, and we discontinued visiting malls due to the sexual content in shop windows. We emphasize respect for their bodies through modest dress and actions. We’re a homeschooling family because we know by experience that much of what our youth learns is disseminated between students in the playground and by teachers in classrooms. We want to be the primary educators in all areas of our children’s lives, especially those reflecting moral values and conduct. Through informal conversations, my husband and I explain to our kids that God’s design is for sexual intercourse to occur only between a man and woman who are married to each other.
Directly before I asked my kids if they perceived sex as a good or bad thing, I was researching a children’s movie to determine if it contained inappropriate content (which Hollywood seems to include in the most innocuous-sounding films). I heard the kids complain that it would be unfortunate if the film had “bad parts” and wasn’t suitable for the family. The negativity they exhibited toward sex struck me that I had been lax in emphasizing the beauty of the intimacy between husband and wife. That’s why I asked them that loaded question – even though four and a half of my children aren’t even sure what “sex” entails.
I corrected their negative impressions by explaining that, between spouses in a sacramental marriage, sex is beautiful and pleases God—and it’s a very good thing. I emphasized to the older children later that conjugal love has the potential to transmit life to create a family. When intercourse is disordered and not what God intended through marriage, society must face a host of consequences, such as unwanted pregnancies, neglected and fatherless children, and worst of all, the murder of unborn babies through abortion.
Raising children who respect their parents, themselves, others and the awesome gift of the marital embrace can reduce the risk of behavior that results in aborted babies. Talking to teens for the first time when they’ve already been exposed to ideals that contradict your family’s value system may not be as effective as conversations at appropriate levels during various points of development. Discussing sex as something good takes the mystery and allure out of a topic kids may perceive as taboo. Opening the lines of communication, especially with adolescents, helps them feel comfortable asking you questions or seeking support to counteract the constant barrage of overwhelmingly disordered messages about sex and marriage.
When kids understand God’s plan for men and women and how it should be expressed, they realize the importance of fulfilling their role in it, which includes acceptance of the creation of life from the pleasures experienced through marital love.
Now when we ask our children if sex is a good or bad thing, they respond, “It depends.”
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Carol Maxwell and her husband Scott have been married for 27 years and have seven children. Scott is the Executive Director of Culture of Life Family Services, a San Diego-based full-service medical office that provides free care to women in need with unplanned pregnancies.