John Jalsevac

Divine discontent

John Jalsevac
John Jalsevac

December 22, 2010 ( – About a month ago I was sitting in the leather armchair in my living room. It was late at night and very quiet. I was reading something – I don’t remember what – when suddenly I fell to thinking.

Unfortunately what I fell to thinking about was work. I say unfortunately because I strive to be strict with the separation between work and personal life. I find that if I’m not strict, work has a nasty way of creeping up and seeping into those precious and necessary quiet hours of family, reading, thinking and prayer.

But this time around it was understandable. The following day more than a year’s work, and quite a few years’ worth of dreaming, was about to come to fruition: the following evening the new LifeSiteNews website was going to be launched.

Probably no one was quite as excited about this as me. I’d been thinking about this perhaps from the first day I started working for Lifesite over six years ago: why shouldn’t our website be just as good as that of any mainstream news network?

Ever since then I’d been looking for the opportune time to make this project happen. And once the opening presented itself earlier this year, I assumed the role of “project manager,” working with the design firm to hammer out the details for the site, and monitoring its execution.

For the past several weeks I had been extremely impatient to get the new site off the ground (only our long-suffering web designer knows how impatient), as the inevitable delays piled up.

But on this silent Saturday night, when the goal was in sight, and the thing was almost certainly going to go live the following day – all of a sudden my mind was swept with an overwhelming wave of total indifference. I no longer cared. This new website didn’t matter one whit. I could take it or leave it.

This was very curious indeed.

When I told my wife the following day about the experience, she suggested that perhaps it was a mental defense mechanism – perhaps I was afraid of disappointment, that the site wouldn’t measure up, and so subconsciously I had lowered my expectations.

As reasonable as this sounded, it didn’t quite jive. In truth, I wasn’t afraid that the site wouldn’t meet expectations – it had turned out better than I had ever imagined possible. No, what had happened to me was much more than a psychological trick, a mere mechanism to cushion my ego against disillusionment.

There is a clever poem by the metaphysical poet George Herbert, in which he imagines God creating Man, and bestowing upon him a variety of gifts. Strength, beauty, wisdom, honor, and pleasure – all are bestowed liberally upon this new creature by a beneficent God.

But when God comes to one final blessing, “rest,” he hesitates, and then decides against giving it. While man can keep all the others, God says, “let him keep them with repining restlessness”:

Let him be rich and weary, that, at least,
If goodness lead him not, yet weariness
May toss him to My breast.

My readers will undoubtedly hear in this an echo of that famous quotation from St. Augustine: “My heart is restless until it rests in Thee.”

What had happened on that Saturday night was that I had been given a taste of this divine discontent. For a brief moment I was pulled back from the tiny pinprick of time and space which I occupy and given a panoramic view. In short, I was given the gift of perspective. I saw how little it mattered whether or not Lifesite has the best website or not, and I knew that apart from God, all my strivings were worth naught.

In a sense my wife was right: I was afraid of disappointment. But it was disappointment on a grander scale. I had poured all my energies into this project – it had consumed my every waking hour in recent days. I thought about it as soon as my eyes opened in the morning, and as I drifted off to sleep at night. And yet, even though I was fundamentally pleased with the result, the painful truth remained that it had no power whatsoever to sate the divine thirst that parches the soul of every created rational creature that has been separated from its Maker.

During that brief respite from work that Saturday night, I had made room for this revelation. Such is the power of even a little silence. And so, I finally did what I needed to do, and had not done: I got off the chair, dropped to my knees in the lamplight, and offered up all my work to God, and prayed that He might do something good with it and that it might prove the means by which I would see Him one day, face to face.

And then I experienced peace.

During this Christmas season, why not find a few moments of silence in which to open yourself up to this divine discontent, which the saints have said is nothing else than the desire for God, and which we so often bury beneath a mountain of meaningless thoughts and frenetic tasks? Not only is the experience and acceptance of this divine discontent the foundation of a life of true prayer, but it is also the only route to true peace.

In a discourse on the psalms, St. Augustine explains that when the psalmist writes “In the anguish of my heart I groaned aloud,” he is referring to this divine restlessness, this burning desire. And then Augustine explains Paul’s exhortation to Christians to “pray without ceasing” thus: “The desire of your heart is itself your prayer,” he says. “And if the desire is constant, so is your prayer. … Whatever else you may be doing, if you but fix your desire on God’s Sabbath rest, your prayer will be ceaseless.”

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Dustin Siggins Dustin Siggins Follow Dustin

Pelosi asked: Is unborn baby with human heart a ‘human being’? Responds: ‘I am a devout Catholic’

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By Dustin Siggins

Tell Nancy Pelosi: No, supporting abortion and gay 'marriage' is not Catholic. Sign the petition. Click here.

WASHINGTON, D.C., October 2, 2015 (LifeSiteNews) -- Top Democrat Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, won't say whether an unborn child with a “human heart” and a “human liver” is a human being.

Pelosi, who is the Minority Leader in the House, was asked a question about the issue by CNS News at a press conference last week. The conservative news outlet asked, "In reference to funding for Planned Parenthood: Is an unborn baby with a human heart and a human liver a human being?”

Pelosi stumbled over her answer, saying, “Why don't you take your ideological questions--I don't, I don't have—”

CNS then asked her, "If it's not a human being, what species is it?”

It was then that Pelosi got back on stride, swatting aside the question with her accustomed reference to her “devout” Catholic faith.

“No, listen, I want to say something to you,” she said. “I don't know who you are and you're welcome to be here, freedom of this press. I am a devout practicing Catholic, a mother of five children. When my baby was born, my fifth child, my oldest child was six years old. I think I know more about this subject than you, with all due respect.”

“So it's not a human being, then?” pressed CNS, to which Pelosi said, “And I do not intend to respond to your questions, which have no basis in what public policy is that we do here.”

Pelosi has long used her self-proclaimed status as a “devout” practicing Catholic to promote abortion.

In response to a reporter’s question a proposed ban on late-term abortion in 2013, Pelosi said that the issue of late-term abortion is "sacred ground" for her.

"As a practicing and respectful Catholic, this is sacred ground to me when we talk about this," Pelosi said. "This shouldn't have anything to do with politics."

In 2008, she was asked by then-Meet the Press host David Gregory about when life begins. Pelosi said that "as an ardent, practicing Catholic, this is an issue I have studied for a long time. And what I know is that over the centuries, the doctors of the Church have not been able to make that definition....We don't know."

The Church has always taught that unborn human life is to be protected, and that such life is created at the moment of conception.

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New video: Planned Parenthood abortionist jokes about harvesting baby’s brains, getting ‘intact’ head

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By Ben Johnson

I interviewed my friend, David Daleiden, about his important work exposing Planned Parenthood's baby body parts trade on the Glenn Beck Program. David urged Congress to hold Planned Parenthood accountable and to demand the full truth. He also released never-before-seen footage showing a Planned Parenthood abortionist callously discussing how to obtain an intact brain from aborted babies.

Posted by Lila Rose on Monday, October 5, 2015


Sign the petition to defund Planned Parenthood here

WASHINGTON, D.C., October 5, 2015 (LifeSiteNews) - In the newest video footage released by the Center for Medical Progress, a Planned Parenthood abortionist laughs as she discusses her hope of removing the intact "calvarium," or skull, of an unborn baby while preserving both lobes of the brain.

She also describes how she first dismembers babies up to twenty weeks gestation, including two twenty-week babies she said she aborted the week before.

Dr. Amna Dermish, an abortionist with Planned Parenthood of Greater Texas, told undercover investigators she had never been able to remove the calivarium (skull) of an aborted child "intact," but she hopes to.

"Maybe next time," the investigator said.

"I know, right?" Dr. Dermish replied. "Well, this'll give me something to strive for."

Dermish, who performs abortions up to the 20-week legal limit in Austin, then described the method she used to collect fetal brain and skull specimens.

"If it’s a breech presentation [in which the baby is born feet first] I will remove the extremities first - the lower extremities - and then go for the spine," she began.

She then slides the baby down the birth canal until she can snip the spinal cord.

The buyer noted that intact organs fetch higher prices from potential buyers, who seek them for experimentation.

"I always try to keep the trunk intact," she said.

"I don't routinely convert to breech, but I will if I have to," she added.

Converting a child to the breech position is the first step of the partial birth abortion procedure. The procedure has been illegal since President Bush signed legislation in 2003 making it a federal felony punishable by two years in prison and a fine of $250,000.

According to CMP lead investigator David Daleiden, who debuted the video footage during an interview with Lila Rose on The Blaze TV, Dr. Dermish was trained by Planned Parenthood's senior director of medical services, Dr. Deborah Nucatola.

Dr. Nucatola was caught on the first CMP undercover video, discussing the side industry while eating a salad and drinking red wine during a business luncheon.

Between sips, she described an abortion process that legal experts believe is a partial birth abortion, violating federal law.

“The federal abortion ban is a law, and laws are up to interpretation,” Dr. Nucatola said on the undercover footage. “So, if I say on day one that I don't intend to do this, what ultimately happens doesn't matter.”

Daleiden told Rose he hoped that Congressional investigators would continue to pressure the organization about whether the abortion technique it uses violates federal law, as well as the $60-per-specimen fee the national organization has admitted some of its affiliates receive.

Trafficking in human body parts for "valuable consideration" is also a federal felony carrying a penalty of up to 10 years in prison and a $500,000 fine.

"That would be enough to construct a criminal case against Planned Parenthood," Daleiden said.

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Nancy Flanders


He used to be an abortionist; now, he fights to save the lives of the preborn

Nancy Flanders
By Nancy Flanders

October 5, 2015 (LiveActionNews) -- In 1976, Dr. Anthony Levatino, an OB/GYN, graduated from medical school and was, without a doubt, pro-abortion. He strongly supported abortion “rights” and believed abortion was a decision to be made between a woman and her doctor.

“A lot of people identify themselves as pro-life or pro-choice, but for so many people, it doesn’t really touch them personally; it doesn’t impact their lives in the way that I wish it would. If nothing more than in the voting booth, if nowhere else,” said Levatino in a speech for the Pro-Life Action League. “But when you’re an obstetrician / gynecologist and you say I’m pro-choice – well, that becomes rather a more personal thing because you’re the one who does the abortions and you have to make the decision of whether you’ll do that or not.”

Levatino learned how to do first and second trimester abortions. Thirty to forty years ago, second trimester abortions were done by saline injection, which was dangerous.

"For the first time in my life, after all those years, all those abortions, I really looked, I mean I really looked at that pile of goo on the side of the table that used to be somebody’s son or daughter and that’s all I could see."

At that same time, Levatino and his wife were struggling with fertility problems and were considering adoption. They knew however, how difficult it was to adopt a newborn.

“It was the first time that I had any doubts about what I was doing because I knew very well that part of the reason why it’s difficult to find children to adopt were that doctors like me were killing them in abortions,” said Levatino.

Finally, in 1978, the couple adopted their daughter, Heather. Right after the adoption, they discovered they were expecting a baby, and their son was born just 10 months later.

Levatino describes a “perfectly happy” life at this time and says that despite those first qualms about abortion, he went right back to work performing them.

In 1981, after graduating from his residency, Levatino joined an OB/GYN practice which also offered abortions as a service. Saline infusion was the most common method for second trimester abortions at the time, but it ran the risk of babies born alive. The procedures were also expensive, difficult, and required the mother to go through labor. Levatino and his partners trained themselves to perform the D&E abortion procedure, which is used today.

In his speech, he describes what it’s like to perform the now routine procedure:

You take an instrument like this called a sopher clamp and you basically – the surgery is that you literally tear a child to pieces. The suction is only for the fluid. The rest of it is literally dismembering a child piece by piece with an abortion instrument […] absolutely gut-wrenching procedure.

Over the next four years, Levatino would perform 1,200 abortions, over 100 of them D&E, second trimester abortions.

But then everything changed. On a beautiful day in June of 1984, the family was at home enjoying time with friends when Levatino heard tires squeal. The children were in the street and Heather had been hit by a car.

“She was a mess,” he explained. “And we did everything we possibly could. But she ultimately died, literally in our arms, on the way to the hospital that evening.”

After a while, Levatino had to return to work. And one day, his first D&E since the accident was on his schedule. He wasn’t really thinking about it or concerned. To him, it was going to be a routine procedure he had done many times before. Only it wasn’t.

“I started that abortion and I took that sopher clamp and I literally ripped out an arm or a leg and I just stared at it in the clamp. And I got sick,” he explained. “But you know something, when you start an abortion you can’t stop. If you don’t get all the pieces – and you literally stack them up on the side of the table […] your patient is going to come back infected, bleeding or dead. So I soldiered on and I finished that abortion.”

But by the time the abortion was complete, Levatino was beginning to feel a change of heart:

For the first time in my life, after all those years, all those abortions, I really looked, I mean I really looked at that pile of goo on the side of the table that used to be somebody’s son or daughter and that’s all I could see. I couldn’t see what a great doctor I was being. I didn’t see how I helped this woman in her crisis. I didn’t see the 600 dollars cash I had just made in 15 minutes. All I could see was somebody’s son or daughter. And after losing my daughter this was looking very, very different to me.

Levatino stopped performing second trimester abortions but continued to provide first trimester abortions for the next few months.

“Everybody puts doctors on a pedestal and we’re all supposed to be so smart but we’re no different than anybody else,” he said.

Click "like" if you are PRO-LIFE!

He realized that killing a baby at 20 weeks gestation was exactly the same as killing one at nine weeks gestation or even two weeks gestation. He understood that it doesn’t matter how big or small the baby is, it’s a human life. He has not done an abortion since February 1985 and says there is no chance he will ever perform one again.

Adamant that he would never join the pro-life movement because of the media’s portrayal of pro-lifers as crazy, he was eventually invited to a pro-life potluck dinner where he met people who he realized were intelligent volunteers who spent their time defending preborn humans.

After that, Levatino began speaking out against abortion specifically with young people, graphically describing for them what an abortion really is.

Levatino has also testified before Congress, asking our government to end legal abortion.

Reprinted with permission from Live Action News

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