From sex, drugs, abuse, and suicide to pro-life activist: how God rescued me from darkness
Jan. 27, 2014 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Somewhere between my first and second unplanned pregnancy, I became pro-life. I used to believe the mantra of "my body, my choice," but something changed in my heart.
Coming from a broken home, as a teenager I was semi-homeless and living house-to-house. Wrapped up in a life of drugs and promiscuity, I had very little adult supervision and no one keeping track of my care and well-being. After taking the road of methanphetmine abuse, I dropped out of school and did not graduate. My mother invited me to move to the state she lived in, finish school and not have to work or worry about where I would live. I did graduate a year late and managed to stop using meth, although I continued to use other substances and continued in my promiscuous ways.
It was the day after September 11th, 2001 when I discovered that I was pregnant. I was on the verge of ending my unhealthy relationship with the father, so I felt trapped. It seemed that abortion was the only way to prevent me from being permanently stuck with him in my life. He also told me that I had no choice but to abort our child because it was unafair to "stick him with child support". I went home and told my mom that I was pregnant, but not to worry, I was having an abortion and it would be like it never happened, so I didn't want to talk about it.
To my surprise my mom was completely against the idea of my having an abortion, even through she was not pro-life, and she told me that I was not going to go through with it, that she would be there for me and help me raise my baby. Honestly, I was more afraid of not listening to my mom than I was about making my boyfriend angry, so I reluctantly chose life for my child.
As soon as I informed him that I was keeping the baby, he ended the relationship. I felt lost and broken and often wondered if I had made the right choice. Over the next two months we got back together for a short time and once again broke up, but this time the breakup came with a raging argument resulting in him shoving me backward onto my bed and telling me, "the baby is not mine and I hope you both die". His actions resulted in my obtaining a restraining order against him.
This incident was the first of many traumatic events to follow. Within a short timeframe my mom’s fiancé was killed in a car accident, someone very close to me had an abortion after promising to make it through our pregnancies together and to support one another. The grand finale was when my mother ended her own life by means of suicide. I was three and a half months along, the last to see her alive as well as the one who found her.
My life was shattered and upside down and I felt like all hope was lost. While attempting suicide myself just a few days later, I cried out in my heart saying, "if there really is a God out there, then take me to be with my mom or get me out of this house and change my life". Within a moment a friend showed up and discovered me in my mom’s closet, picked me up and removed me from the home, saving mine as well as my child’s life. The trauma that I had endured through all of these tragic events had broken my pride and brought me to a place where I was looking for solutions for why my life was falling apart. I came to know The Lord after being invited to church for both Christmas and Easter services and some wonderful women in the church gave me a generously humbling baby shower.
As my delivery date drew near, I reached out to the father with a forgiving heart and offered him the option to be in attendance for her birth. He accepted, as I had promised not to report him for violating the protective order. After holding my hand through childbirth and coming to see her multiple times at my house, he and I ended up "falling in love" again and we got back together. The abuse started up again fairly quickly, and I was trapped once again, this time without the support of my mom, so I stayed. With the sale of my mom’s house I was able to purchase a home of my own, although very run down and barely standing. I remained in the verbal, emotional and sexually abusive relationship with my daughter’s father for over a year, before I cried out to God for help again and found the courage to leave.
At first I did well but quickly fell back into the lifestyle of parties and promiscuity, often leaving my daughter with a babysitter. This lasted several months until I ended up pregnant again, by the friend who had rescued me out of my mom’s closet the night I attempted to end my life. This time around I did not consider abortion. After being pregnant, giving birth and even having my daughter’s father tell me while she sat in the backseat that he wished I had had an abortion, I fully understood how precious and valuable life is and how important it is to protect the unborn. Although I was completely ashamed, I confided in the ladies at church and they surrounded me with support.
Not long into my pregnancy I was once again abandoned. I was going to be raising two kids from two dads on my own.
My pastor and his wife had me over to encourage me to guard my heart from those who may judge me at church and offered me their full support. During that visit I was asked a question that would forever change me, "If you lost a body part for each sexual partner you have had, how much of you would be sitting in that chair?" “Ouch,” I thought. “Maybe some veins and cartilage,” I responded in my mind. I made the decision that night to choose abstinence until my wedding night. I truly felt ruined and hopeless. I made major lifestyle changes during my pregnancy, I lost my job and my car and yet I had every need provided by the hand of God and through His caring people in the church.
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It was a rough season, but God used it to mold me and shape me into the kind of woman who eventually attracted an incredible and godly man into my life. He fell in love with me as well as my children and asked me to marry him. I chose abstinence successfully for two and a half years until my wedding night. My husband has treated me like untarnished gold and we have been happily married since November of 2006. We have four children. My husband is the children's pastor in our local church and I have been actively pro-life and involved in reaching out to abortion-minded women for the last seven years. My life is an open book and I hope and pray for more opportunities to share the victory that The Lord has given me, for many lives to be saved both physically and spiritually through my story and I dream of the day when abortion will no longer be a legally available option.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, please feel free to read more of my story on my blog, and follow my Facebook page. If you are interested in having me share my testimony or my speech on "The Abortion Minded Woman" feel free to contact me at [email protected] .