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Oct. 3, 2013 (LiveActionNews.org) – I started using the word “fauxminist” a long time ago to describe radical feminists, who are not worthy of the name feminist.

The original American feminists were women of virtue. They were pro-life, among other things. I feel comfortable saying they would be appalled by how their worthy movement was twisted into something decidedly anti-feminine and, yes, anti-woman.

Radical feminists – hereafter to be referred to as fauxminists, because that’s what they are – inherited a great idea. That idea was that women are not property or second-class citizens who should be alternately ignored and treated with the gentlest disdain, lest we have hysterics or attempt to drive a car.

The problem occurred when fauxminists decided that things like suffrage, equal pay, and not being called “sugar dumplin” by our bosses was not where our focus should lie. Instead, we needed to show the big evil patriarchy that we were just as good as them. By being just as bad.

Instead of demanding respect, we sank to their low. Our battle cry went from “We can do it!” to “We will do it! With you! In the back of your car! Because we’re liberated! We’re just like men!”

Except we’re not. We’re not biologically, neurologically, or emotionally like men. At all.

Case in point: we get pregnant. That was a huge bump in the road (pun acknowledged) for fauxminists. Never mind how stupid it is to purport to elevate womanhood by seeking equality with the most piggish of males. Let’s talk logistics. How can we be unattached, promiscuous, career-focused, ruthless, dismissive of family – all those wonderful things to which we for some reason aspire – if we get pregnant?

That is not just nine months of discomfort followed by a really unpleasant expulsion of the unwanted stowaway. That’s eighteen years of motherhood. Motherhood! The antithesis of women’s liberation. Sublimation of self to the needs of some other person that some man put in me? God, no!

So adoption? Don’t think so. Too much emotional pain. Too much baggage. Too much stigma. And nine months of pregnancy? No thank you! My career, my relationships, my sex life, my fun, my liberation!

Then along came Roe. Problem solved.

Now we really can be just like the worst men, which is what fauxminism aspires to, after all. But we can do them one better! They may use and then discard us, but we can use and discard them right back – and then discard their children. Take that, dudes.

Men oppressed us. Now we can oppress our children, and prove we really are equal.

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Obviously birth control is terribly liberating, too. Every time I see another commercial for a class-action lawsuit against a contraceptive pill or device, I remember being eighteen at the doctor’s office. I was a virgin, but my doctor was mildly shocked that I was not “on something.” I know girls who have been “on something” since they were in high school, and are now in their 30s.

What does that do to a woman’s body, to her natural hormonal balance? Who knows? Who cares? Liberation!

Hugh Hefner is a big supporter of birth control. Think about why for just a second.

Could it be because it’s much easier to tell women it’s liberating to take their little pink pill out of their pretty little pink compact – why, gals, it looks just like makeup! – than to claim any responsibility for what using her for sex does to her body, or any offspring of hers you might create?

And hey, if that’s too much trouble, buy her an intrauterine device! Just have her stow her liberation in her lady business!

(True story: I have yet to meet a single woman who did not experience pain, illness, scarring, or permanent damage from an IUD. So that’s all I’ll say about those.)

Do I owe some gratitude to radical feminists? Not really, no. I owe some gratitude to the original feminists, who truly were oppressed and who exhibited great courage in helping secure equal rights for women. But the Gloria Steinems, who built their careers on supporting abortion? They have set us back.

It is the ultimate irony for a “feminist” to secure her liberation from the dehumanizing patriarchy by dehumanizing her own children.

The fetus is not worthy of rights? Neither were we once.

Groups like New Wave Feminists exist to say “No thanks” to the fauxminists. The New Wave is pro-woman, pro-education, and pro-life. Marriage, family, love: these are not liabilities. These are the good things in life. We’re not trading them for a handful of pills and the “privilege” to pose for Playboy and abort our babies.

The fauxminists can have equality, if it’s what they want. We’re not settling for that anymore.

Kristen is a writer and comedian who makes people mad on the Internet. She is Vice President of New Wave Feminists and enjoys taxidermy, yachting, and 19th century French poetry. Stalk her relentlessly for fun and profit. Reprinted with permission from LiveActionNews.org.