February 24, 2012 (LiveAction.org) – In the summer of 2006 I needed an internship in order to graduate from college. I had partied away through the first two and a half years of college until one day I realized that I might be left behind by my girlfriend and then working a job that I hated. So, I anxiously ripped out 80 credits in two years. I was finally in position to graduate; only thing left is the internship. I was so excited to finish school. I had the proud feeling of “I did it” deep within me.
So, I had an inside scoop within state government and submitted my application to the governor’s office hoping to obtain the prestigious internship. On paper it was a “non-political” internship and I would be working everyday as a public civil servant instead of having political affiliation with the governor whose political views I did not share. So that is what I told myself.
I was very sensitive to my position being a “non-partisan position” due to the fact that I did not agree with the governor’s stance on abortion. I wanted the internship and “on paper” I had nothing to do with any such political agenda of the governor’s so I was all set and I was hired as the intern.
Life was great as I was on schedule to finally graduate and move on to an exciting chapter in my life.
One day during the internship all young student-interns were asked to go down the road and join a rally – sounded very exciting. News, all kinds of media, standing around next to the governor – wow, what a portfolio builder!
As I get there, I see picket lines of people screaming with passion towards a fiery crowd. It was all coming together – this was a pro-choice rally supporting abortion.
I was overcome with the “you’re in a place you shouldn’t be” feeling and my chest pulsated as I started to walk up towards the crowd. I could feel a thick coat of judgment and resentment from not only the picketers looking at me but also me being disappointed in myself.
I told myself, “this is a great perspective for me. I am adding credibility to my stance as a pro-lifer going ‘behind enemy lines.”
Deep down I knew that I was just telling myself that so I could avoid being brave and also add comfort to the horrendous situation I found myself in. “Here you go, hold on to this sign” a voice said to me. “No thanks” I responded. And that was as bold as I had gotten that day. That was the extent of my bravery.
Join the pro-lifers in a heroic demonstration? Nope. Forget about the internship and follow what I believe right then and there and not care about the repercussions of doing so? Nope – I stood like a statue telling myself I am “gaining perspective.”
I didn’t need any more perspective at the time. I didn’t need to witness a politician slamming her fists on a podium yelling about how a woman should have the right to choose abortion. The only perspective I obtained that day was how weak I was as a person and failed to stand up for what I believe in.
I had one agenda – disregard my personal beliefs and what I think is right if that means obtaining the things I want in life. I left the rally with deep regret.
I will never forget being on the “other side” of that rally and walking past the pro-lifers. My entire body wanted to lunge to them and embrace their passion with love and support and join them – but instead I did nothing. And to this day I don’t do enough.
The guilt I feel when I think about that day is grueling. I try to use that day as an example of how I get caught up with what I want instead of listening to God and how I turn away from what is good in order for my own pursuits.
Reprinted with permission from LiveAction’s blog.