Dec. 14, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Poor, poor Sweden is in the news and looking foolish – again.  It can’t even keep up with its own motto (“For Sweden—with the times”).  For, if Sweden were keeping up with the times, it would know that homeschooling is the newest, latest, greatest.  In fact, the U.S. homeschool population might well exceed the ethnic Swedish population of Sweden in the coming generation. (Come to think of it, its Muslim minority might well exceed the ethnic Swedish population of Sweden in the coming generation too.)

Instead, Sweden has committed and extended a tragedy against homeschoolers for so long that a Woody Allen aphorism comes to mind:  “Comedy equals tragedy plus time.”  Sweden has clearly delved into the ludicrous by kidnapping Domenic Johansson from his parents, Christer and Annie, and by keeping young Domenic in captivity since June of 2009.

How many Swedes does it take to change a light bulb?

So, comedically speaking, how many Swedes does it take to change a light bulb?  The answer is one hundred:  one to change the light bulb and 99 other Swedes to make sure that the first one is inoculated.

Yes, as the homeschooling Johansson family boarded an airplane for Annie’s native India, a hoard of Swedish officials swooped down and grabbed them, dragging them away from freedom and familial integrity, all on the grounds that young Domenic had not received some of his vaccinations and had not had a dental cavity or two filled.  That’s code for “how dare you parents presume to have authority over your own children?” and “we Swedes thump our breasts to the tune of parens patriae.” 

While in police custody, mother Annie fainted from the shock of having her only child taken from her; the police did not even attend to the grief-stricken woman as she lay on the floor.  Domenic was put in foster care and only sees his parents one hour every five weeks.  (Just take a look at before-and-after pictures of Domenic to judge whether Sweden can possibly care for Domenic as well as his parents can.)  And now, the father, Christer, has been arrested on new and ridiculous charges after he took his son to visit his grandparents and to spend a night at home without government permission.

Are we laughing yet?

Now we’ve learned that an unnamed Swedish couple has been sentenced to 9 months’ imprisonment each and a fine of over $10,000 U.S. for spanking their children!  This tiny constitutional monarchy seems to have decided that children fare worse with their own parents than in the custody of the king. 

Oops!  The Swedes might want to reconsider that.  Poor Sweden is, after all, reeling from revelations that their seemingly boring monarch Carl Gustaf has actually been carrying on dalliances with strippers and mafiosi for years (Maybe good ol’ Charlie G will take young Domenic with him for the boy’s birthday!  It’ll make a man of him! … You say that Domenic is too young?  Pish posh!  This is Sweden!) and that his father-in-law was an active Nazi who allegedly made his fortune manufacturing weapons in a factory he stole from Jews during World War II.

But not content with keeping a stolen fortune or with having jacuzzi-full loads of sexual encounters, Carl Gustaf must have all his subjects’ children, too.  But thank goodness the Swedish government exhibits some deference to morality! It seems that Sweden has drawn the line with cyber-terrorist Julian Assange.  In fact, Sweden has demanded British extradition of Assange to Sweden so that that amazing “with the times” country may prosecute Assange for having had sex without a working condom. Question: is it not rape in Sweden if it’s done with a condom?

If only we could boycott them!

If only we could organize a boycott against Sweden, maybe we could pressure them to release and reunite the Johansson family!  If only it were that easy.  However, Sweden barely emerges from its post-ABBA obscurity to get a rise out of North Americans (or South Americans, for that matter).  Well, the French apparently once gave a minute of thought to Sweden.  The word suede is a reference to Swedes.

Let us imagine a boycott of Sweden. We could get off our suede, microsuede and faux-suede couches, throw all our rye crackers and herring off the nearest ship dock, and quit buying new Volvos which we can’t afford anyway! Or do we actually park ourselves on our suede, microsuede and faux-suede couches in a gesture of insulting defiance?  What if ABBA’s “Waterloo” were playing in the background?

The ridiculous riddle may contain its own solution

Sweden is in a public relations meltdown of gigantic (from its perspective, not ours) proportion. But the government’s mounting attack on the Johannson family might point to Sweden’s solution.  It could follow a variation of how Germany escaped scrutiny after it seized a homeschooled child; Germany finally “let” the child run away from her foster home and back to her parents.  And that was the end of the great German boycott.  (What?  You never heard of that one, either?)

The Swedish scenario could play this way:  keep Christer in prison for another week.  Meanwhile, make the determination that it was all Christer’s fault that Domenic had not received his vaccination and dental treatment.  Scoot Annie and Domenic out on the next plane to India.  Next week, release Christer on the grounds of lack of evidence and scoot him out to India, also.

Allowing this fiasco to carry in to the new year will alert all those who consider themselves civilized that “Sweden is not one of us.”

Marianna Trzeciak, Esq., is a homeschooling mother of three who contributed to amicus briefs in the Rule 60 motions to overturn Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton. She initiated 40 Days for Life—Burlington, Vermont.  Now residing in Texas, Ms. Trzeciak speaks regarding pro-life feminism at college, law school and other forums.