January 18, 2012 (HLIAmerica.org) – As Christmas approached this year, I was waiting for a baby. Not my own child, but one that belonged to me by way of a supportive relationship I have with her mother. We are not sisters or old friends, but rather new friends brought together, surely by an opportunity arranged by God.
You see, I had been invited to an interview on Catholic Satellite radio to talk about my work as co-founder of Be Not Afraid. The topic was poor prenatal diagnosis. The mother had been listening and immediately called in to share the details of her own developing story. Her precious baby girl had a brain anomaly likely pointing to a serious genetic condition often characterized as “incompatible with life.”
The program host asked if I had any words of encouragement to offer the mother. I felt enormously put on the spot, but recall falling into a natural and all-too-familiar conversation with her, “I’m so sorry that you have received such difficult news surrounding your baby girl.” I acknowledged her grief and shock – after all, no one goes into the prenatal testing process expecting their baby will be anything but healthy.
I then assured her that the worst day (the diagnosis day) was behind her, and that with good support she would find this pregnancy and this baby to be a blessing. “And does she have a name?” I asked.
“Yes,” Mom answered, “Corrine Catherine.”
And so, from that moment in August, Corrine was destined to become my Christmas baby. As it turned out, after keeping vigil with her mother via numerous phone calls and emails over several months, and an all-too-brief in person meeting in October, Corrine Catherine arrived the week of Christmas, sheltered in the quiet embrace of her parents, three older siblings, and extended family. She lived less than two hours, but changed her family forever.
I think it is safe to say that no family touched by prenatal diagnosis remains unchanged by the experience. Though most parents do ultimately choose to abort with the news of a medical or intellectual disability, there is every indication that ending the story at the worst possible time, in the immediacy of the diagnosis, presents real risk emotionally. The truth that abortion doesn’t offer a shortcut through grief is a reality seldom shared with parents considering abortion.
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Nor are parents generally aware of the extent to which abortion has become part of routine obstetric care when it is determined that a baby has a disability. Results of an American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) survey reported that ninety percent of the doctors responding considered abortion because of fatal fetal anomaly a justifiable treatment option, and 63% considered abortion a justifiable treatment option because of a non-fatal anomaly. Using a simple semantic slight of hand abortion becomes a treatment option, and medical professionals effectively disengage from the baby with a prenatal diagnosis, and signal that it is reasonable for the parents to do the same. As a result abortion is often presented as the only option to parents who have already bonded with, loved, and named their baby.
Research, however, suggests that many parents are in fact looking for some other option. Most will choose to continue their pregnancy if offered a program of comprehensive support. Parents want something better than abortion. They want someone to affirm the dignity of their child and to accompany them on the lonely and unfamiliar path from the diagnosis to the birth.
Having supported a good many families in the experience of carrying to term and recognizing that there are many reasons for this trend toward abortion following a prenatal diagnosis, I think it also likely that medical providers, just like friends and family, co-workers and communities of faith (all the people who should support parents) find it difficult to be supportive because they are afraid.
Corrine Catherine in her frailty says something to all of us about what it means to be vulnerable. Professionals, friends and family around parents carrying to term are also often struggling to find their way, worried about encountering disability and death. Just as no family is left unchanged by prenatal diagnosis, no person is left unchanged at one of these births. Embracing the brokenness of Corrine Catherine, despite the anguish of being unable to help her survive, teaches us to accept the heart-breaking limitations of life. Ultimately true love involves giving these precious children the look of love they deserve and providing a safe space where the least can be welcomed no matter the cost.
Parents experiencing a poor prenatal diagnosis and those carrying to term would be better served if there was more support for welcoming every life as a gift. For parents and those blessed to know them, the experience of loving in spite of a diagnosis is grace-filled and transformative. One need only read the obituary of Corrine Catherine to see the beauty of a life too brief:
Corrine Catherine was a blessing from the moment her parents knew she existed. When she received a diagnosis in the womb that was “incompatible with life” it did not stop her family from loving her or valuing her place in our lives. In sharing their journey with family and friends, Corrine opened people’s eyes to the beauty of life…Without uttering a word she has communicated the meaning of unconditional love, directed people closer to their faith and explained the redemptive power of suffering. In only an hour and a half, Corrine Catherine shared her special grace with all of her family giving each special moments and memories that will always be treasured. She received a sacred birthday party while being passed around in loving arms. After one final embrace by her mother, Corrine Catherine peacefully fell asleep for her final rest…Her parents and family look forward to being united with her again in our heavenly home.
Tracy Winsor is a contributing writer of HLI America, an educational initiative of Human Life International. She is co-founder of Be Not Afraid, an apostolate dedicated to supporting those who receive a poor prenatal diagnosis. She writes for HLI America’s Truth and Charity Forum.