After I became pregnant from rape, I wanted the baby dead. Then I held him in my arms.

'Just die or go away!' I would scream while aggressively hitting my belly. And then everything changed.
Fri Mar 27, 2015 - 5:20 pm EST
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March 27, 2015 (LifeSiteNews.com) - I was raped on my way to a professional exam.  After the incident, I kept telling myself that it didn’t happen and I had to move on.  I almost believed myself - until I found out a month later that I was PREGNANT, then everything that happened came rushing back. I hated myself, I hated what happened, and above all, I hated the baby. My first thought was “ABORTION.” I was a young girl struggling to better my future and that of my family. '

'The baby would ruin my hopes and aspirations for the future,'' I thought.  

I searched really hard for funds to sponsor my abortion, but couldn’t find any. I even started taking some really dangerous drugs from when the pregnancy was one month to seven months, but the baby just refused to die.  I thought of committing suicide a lot of times, but then my mum was seriously ill and I was of great help to her.

I kept my pregnancy a secret from my friends and family for seven months.  I would usually hit my belly aggressively when alone and scream to the baby, “Just die or go away, but whatever  -- don’t come out through me!”  I was highly traumatized and depressed in silence and agony for 7 months before I told my family what happened.  I got support from my mum and a non-governmental organization (N.G.O) in my country – Nigeria -- and I had my baby.

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It was a difficult labor, but the moment I held him in my arms I felt an inner peace.  Now I look at him and wonder how I could have ever rejected such a glorious blessing -- he is the most wonderful and sweetest gift that life has given me!  His smile gives a reason to be strong and move on with my life.  He understands my every mood and our bond is so strong! He is five months old now and I would rather be on the streets than give him up for adoption. I don’t see him as a product of rape; rather, I see him as a child of Destiny and that’s the reason I named him “DESTINY!”

People need to understand that God doesn’t send the rapist. We all have our choice of behavior - free will - but rather God uses a painful situation to create something good - the baby. I don’t judge a scared, young girl for wanting an abortion or for having an abortion, because I almost did the same thing; but my point is considering the child as the victim's child and not the rapist’s, considering the child as a human with feelings and aspirations. 

Let’s face the truth: the child shares no fault in what happened and has a right to live - every child has a life to live, especially children born out of rape.  They have a great future and a maker - God - who wasn’t stupid to have sent them down on earth. They aren’t the rapist’s product, but the creative work of God. He brought them for a purpose and to fulfill a destiny, just like my son!

Betty Michael Esene is an event planner and make-up artist from Nigeria.  She’s also a member and blogger for Save The 1 – connecting with and encouraging other mothers who became pregnant by rape.

  abortion, rape

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