Aurora* first appeared in pornographic films at the tender age of 18 – soon after replying to a newspaper ad for nude modeling. She was from a poor family, drowning in student debt, and the advertised $2000/day was a lot of money.
Like so many young women who dabble in the porn business, Aurora intended only to make enough money to get on her feet, before moving on to other, better things. But like so many others, she was soon plied with offers of even more money to appear in increasingly hardcore videos, and found that she enjoyed the attention. Before she knew it, almost 10 years had passed, and she had performed in almost every imaginable form of porn – including what she admits are “some pretty gross things.”
In 2011, however, at the urging of her boyfriend, she made the decision to leave. Then, in 2013 she became pregnant – with a son. Suddenly she saw her whole past career in a stark new light, as she imagined what her son might think on that day he learned about her porn past, and possibly even saw some of the films she performed in.
Although Aurora still appears to support the porn industry in her public writings, her letter below (first published at The Daily Beast) is filled with regret. “If I’d known I’d one day change my mind and want a family of my own, I would have made completely different choices,” she writes to her unborn child.
The letter, heartbreaking, raw, and thought-provoking, is just one more stark example of how so many vulnerable young women are lured into an industry by promises of easy money and fame, only to find themselves doing things they never imagined they would do, and creating a permanent online presence that will follow and haunt them for the rest of their lives. Here is the full letter:
*not her real name