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‘Susan’s story’ - I couldn’t go through with it.

I want anyone who is reading this to know that you can do it without a man.

I was having "casual" sex with someone I liked so much. No, I didn’t plan to get pregnant – I just wanted to show him how much I liked him, and I thought he felt the same. That was my first mistake.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared. I found out really early, and my doctor told me I wasn't going to be able to hold the baby because I was showing signs of an early miscarriage. So I waited every day for about a week and a half to miscarry, but nothing happened – or at least I didn’t think so.

I just had to share my story because I want anyone who is reading this to know that you can do it without a man. Don't ever think you can’t. If he doesn’t want to be there, guess what: he is going to miss out.

So I went back to the doctor that Tuesday, and I was still pregnant. I was scared – I’m in college, I’m an athlete, and I’m only 19. I have so much I want to do before I have a baby. I also wanted to be with the father of my child, be financially stable, and be a college graduate.

Things didn’t work out the way I'd planned.

I was so against abortion until I was put in that situation, but I still couldn’t think about killing my baby. I didn’t want a baby at that time – I just kept thinking about how my life was going to be ruined, all because I wanted someone to like me.

I made plans to abort the baby. I went to the clinic and talked with the doctor about the prices and procedures. But I changed my mind – I couldn't do it. I didn’t tell anyone I changed my mind about aborting the baby because I wanted to tell the dad first.

I never had the opportunity. He wasn’t texting me back. We saw each other every day at school, and he would act as if I was completely invisible. I was so upset, because it was exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

I turned to my friends, and he finally talked to me, but it was nothing I wanted to hear. He basically said he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. I was on my own. He used a lot of other harsh words, but those hit me the hardest.

I couldn't do this by myself. I couldn't let my child go on without his father.

I know what it’s like to not have a parent active in your life, and I refused to have the same for my baby. I just wanted the best for him, and I thought the best was for him not to come into this world. I made an impulsive decision that I will regret for the rest of my life.

I just had to share my story because I want anyone who is reading this to know that you can do it without a man. Don't ever think you can’t. If he doesn’t want to be there, guess what: he is going to miss out.

I've been crying nonstop. Everything makes me think of how precious my baby would've been. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Please, please, please, make sure you think it through, because once it's done, you can’t rewind time. You can't take it back—no matter how much you want to. 

Note: The author of this testimony prefers to remain anonymous. 'Susan' is a pseudonym. 

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